Knowing what you want in life is the first step towards reaching what happiness looks like to you. It’s crucial to take time to sit with ourselves and get clear on our wants and needs. When we learn to say “yes” when we mean yes and “no” when we mean no based on our needs, we begin to build our lives based on our non-negotiables.

It might sound silly, but as soon as I started to define things that I would and would not negotiate on, I not only got clearer on what I need for my happiness, but I also began living my life based on what is truly important to me.

This carries over into my lifestyle and my relationships. I used to overlook and compromise on things that were actually really important to me. Over time, I’ve realized that life is just too short not to go after what we really want.

I’m not saying we should go through life without some give and take, but what I am saying is that we should define what we are willing to be flexible with and also what we are not willing to compromise on. In doing so, it helps our decision making process become so much easier and it also helps us create the most optimal environment to thrive in.

For example, one of my non-negotiables is obviously my sobriety. I don’t drink and therefore I would never do anything that would compromise this. This is true for how I carry myself as well as the people I associate with. I have no issue being around social settings, people who are drinking and even going to nightclubs or festivals where drinking is prevalent. However, I would not do anything to put myself in jeopardy, extreme temptation or compromise my standards of who I want to spend the majority of my time.

My job as a life and sobriety coach is to help people on their journeys and much of that requires meeting them in places where that lifestyle exists. I’ve met a ton of people on dance floors that end up reading my blogs after they  see that you can have fun while being sober. Although that’s a great vehicle for helping others and spreading light, I do keep my inner circle rather narrowed and tight to people who live a similar lifestyle as me because I’m a big believer in having those closest to you in synergy with your vibes, goals and priorities. This helps keep me lifted and in the best shape to perform as a coach and writer.

Another thing I’m not too flexible on is honesty and truth. I give my honest opinion and I always give honesty to people in my life. Deceit of any kind has never been something that sits well with me. I give out truth and expect that in return from people. We are here to grow and learn and this always requires being forthcoming about everything. Therefore, something I can’t compromise on is having people around me who are not truth seekers and truth tellers. Anyone who tells white lies, cuts corners, hides or omits things or mispresents the facts need not apply for my tribe.

I found that once I got clear on what is most important to me as well as what I’m looking for out of life and relationships, it made my life easier to navigate and it made me more mindful of who I share my time with as well as how I spend it. These are black and white values that I do not waver on as I make my way through life.

Life is about relationships and don’t get me wrong they always require compromise of sorts on the smaller things, but it is very important to take time to give definition to what is truly important to you. I’ve noticed, as I have gotten older, I’m less willing to overlook or compromise on my bottom line. Mainly because I’ve spent a lot of time doing work to reach where I am today and realized that it does not benefit my happiness when I compromise on the essentials I need to feel happy.

When we are clear on what makes us tick, what our needs are, the things we desire the most and ultimately what kind of life we want to live, it allows us to take better action towards achieving it all. So, let me ask:

What are your non-negotiables? What are you willing to bend on?

Are you clear on the things you’re not willing to compromise on to fulfill your quest for happiness?

What really bothers or upsets you? This is a huge clue as to what you may not be able to budge on.

Are there areas where, perhaps, you could be more flexible and open-minded?

Have you been compromising where you know you shouldn’t be?

Take some time to define what you really want in life, love, career and even your health. What does your perfect world look like? What makes you the happiest? What brings you down? What are your priorities? What are your needs? How do you want to feel and what brings you those feelings?

At the end of the day, you are the only person who knows what you want and you’ll also be the only person who is disappointed if you don’t get it.

This world has over seven billion people on it and is thriving with all kinds of opportunities to be who you were truly meant to be, with people who will adore you for it and stand with you and for you in what you want. It’s your duty to know what you want and to take action as well as responsibility to ensure you create the life you truly want to be living.

Don’t compromise on things that are important to you.

When you compromise on what you want, who you are or how you want to live, you deny yourself a piece of you. This denial can lead to shame, guilt and sadness because every time you don’t stand for what you want, you deny your inner guidance and weaken your intuition. When you take a stand and let others know what you will and will not compromise on, you strengthen your intuition and ultimately this sharpens your power, courage and self-worth.

Don’t bend who you are as a person to please other people.

This accomplishes nothing except what is on other people’s agendas. You must protect your needs and wants as a person and always remember who you truly are. Don’t live someone else’s life if it isn’t a fit for what rings truest to you. Don’t make concessions in areas of your life that matter to you just to appease other people. It’s okay to put yourself first, especially in the pursuit of your dreams.

Most importantly, never ever settle for less than what you want or deserve in life.

Settling should never be an option. Never allow thoughts of negativity and evil tell you that you can’t do better or that this is as good as it gets when you know in your heart of hearts it just isn’t so. There is zero fulfillment in settling for a life that is even a fraction less of the one you know you deserve to be living.

There is a fine line between bending and breaking.

Knowing where we draw our lines and how far we are willing to stretch is essential. I’m all for bending and evolving, but making we sure we have healthy boundaries in place that support our needs is equally important.

It all starts with you. Knowing who you are, what you like/dislike, what you’ll bend on and what has the ability to send you walking are all significant frameworks for creating the life you love. Not only that, but it also gives you a vision to follow and helps foster positive thoughts in the process. Knowing what you really want in life is the key to happiness, peace and self-love. After all, if you don’t know what you want, you’ll end up with a lot of what you don’t want. I hope this message serves you. Namaste.