Dear Alcohol, This Is Goodbye.

Carly BensonAddiction, Sobriety, Transformation2 Comments

why i gave up alcohol carly benson miracles are brewing

Oh dear friend Alcohol, what a long, weary road we have traveled together…

When I first met you at the ripe age of 15, I had no idea what an impact you would make on my life – and not the good kind, unfortunately.

I hate to tell you, but no one starts out their relationship to you with the idea that you will one day control their entire way of life.

I have to hand it to you in that you have a very charismatic way about you. Luring us in with your promises of a good time and that you’ll take away all our worries. Having us believe you can solve our problems, take our stress away and connect us to others in ways we think we can’t on our own.

For me, it was such a love-hate bond we had under the false pretense that I “needed” you to have fun, be social or to handle my emotions and stress. You had a way about you that made drinking seem like some kind of luxurious necessity. You preyed on my curiosity and then you sunk your teeth in with the hook that “all the cool kids” hang out with you so maybe I should too.

Lucky for me I finally wised up to all the lies you told me for so many years.

I see you clearly now for what you are. You have been the instigator to so many of my regretful times; The encourager to many missed nights of sleep and wasted days nursing myself back to life after you sucked it out of me; The ringleader of my bad decisions and otherwise unconscious behaviors; The introducer to my other nemesis, cocaine; A troublemaker, backstabber and stress creator; A menace to my internal society; A thief to my memory and an upset to my stomach.

I will no longer allow you to rob me of who I truly am or create unnecessary chaos in my life. I don’t need you anymore. And I never did. I know I’m better off not associating with you whatsoever going forward and I’m thankful I finally gained the courage to stand up to you and say NO.

You once had me trapped in a mindset of worry and struggle, which introduced me to your close friends – anxiety, shame, and guilt.

Once I got more acquainted with them, I knew they, just like you, weren’t my real friends. They only visited when they wanted to manipulate me and make me feel like less of a person. I realized they all came as a result of my interactions with you.

I operate from a clear conscious and a full heart nowadays since I left you behind.

It’s nice knowing you no longer have a say in my thoughts, my actions or my life, for that matter, and that I’m driving this bus now. I get to decide how I spend my time and with whom I spend it with.

It feels good to know true freedom these days. I feel infinitely better from the inside to the outside. My skin looks better to the point that people think I’m 10 years younger than I actually am. My bank account has never looked as good as it does. I get to enjoy my life without the desire to be inebriated, checked out or escaping with you.

I sleep a whole lot more and value my downtime. Even in the silence, I’m comfortable without you. I know your voice when you come to visit these days and it’s safe to say your old pick up lines don’t impress me anymore.

Bad decisions are far and few and if I do happen to make one it’s comforting to know you had nothing to do with it. As a result, I no longer experience anxiety nor am I riddled with panic, disgrace or the feelings of emptiness you always left me with. I’m connecting with myself and others in an authentic, genuine and mindful way these days. Something you know nothing about.

While you have officially been uninvited to my party, I must thank you for everything I learned as a result of my weakness to you.

Because of you, I’m stronger now. I’m wiser now. I’m more awake now.

I know who I am, what I like, what I need and how I want to live my life. I no longer feel weighed down by you and have since found clarity and purpose. You see – I studied you for a while. I mastered your ways, the spell you cast on others and how you grip down on people with your deceitful tricks. Because of this mastery, I’m now able to help others break loose from your chains too.

You might think you have everyone fooled, but I have news for you, Alcohol – WE ARE ON TO YOU! There is a movement of people who are rising up above your influence and we are saying we want more for our lives.

We are no longer taking on your name as we move away from you either. You don’t get to claim us as “Alcohol-ics,” anymore. We are changing our names during this divorce back to who we were before you moved in on our lives. It’s a clean break and we won’t be taking your name along with us. So, if you’ve been wondering why I said goodbye to you for good, it was because I began to resent you and then quickly fell out of love with you.

As they say: it’s not you; it’s me.

You showed me darkness, but then I found the light. I’ve outgrown you in ways you’ll never be able to understand and it’s clear we are heading in completely opposite directions. We lost our connection the minute I realized you had been lying to me all along. Let’s be honest: you added no real value to my life and quite frankly you should be ashamed of yourself for playing so dirty. But then again, I should have known better, and I’m glad that now I do.

I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around in all your fancy commercials, flashy ads and deceptive marketing ploys. Please know that I see you. And I see right through you this time.

I hope one day that everyone wakes up to what you really are so that we may all be free of your nonsensical way of life.

As I bid you one final farewell, please know that this is the last you will hear from me.

I want you to know that I forgive you, but more importantly, I’m ready to forget you.


This article first appeared on www.TheRecoveryVillage.com. If you are looking for help with alcohol misuse, contact them today to learn more about treatment options.

  • mary howell

    This is absolutely great..Sober 8 years…

  • Yaye!!!! Amazing – Congrats! I’m so glad you liked this one. :)